Letting Go of Victimhood

  • victimhood, victimization

Letting Go of Victimhood

Today I’m offering a quick reframe for you to use when you’re experiencing resentment, disappointment, shouldering the mantle of victimhood, or holding a grudge.  This idea comes from Debbie Ford’s book, The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse.  In the chapter on Forgiveness, she talks about how taking personally what happens to us sets us up to have deeper issues with feeling victimized by the actions and words of others.

What happens is our victim stance puts us in the position of soaking up those negative incidents and assuming they mean something about us.   These incidents aren’t about us other than to the extent we soaked it up with our victim thinking.  In other words, our stance drew to us the people, places, and events that fed the victim idea.  We are looking at events through the lens of the victim; everywhere we look we see victimization.

So, as we release more and more the victim beliefs, we will also release these people and events and draw to us those who support the expression of the empowered us.  Nobody can hurt you without your permission so stop giving them permission to hurt you!  You want, you deserve, and you can draw to you the people who validate and support your mission, your strength, and your greatness.

Use any previous negative experiences as opportunities to gain wisdom or a gift.  For example, if you, too, have a history of abuse, you can use that to create deeper compassion for others and to have more understanding of what that pain is like and what it tends to create in terms of additional negative outcomes. You can also gain the ability to pause and edit your own comments so as not to inflict unnecessary damage on others, etc.

When you choose to hand that history of victimhood over to Spirit, think about what that can open up for you!  You can create the inner space to draw in what you want.  You can create a fresh perspective on opportunities vs a defensive, fear-based blocking of new experiences.  You generate opportunities for your light to shine more brightly and to share positivity with more people.

And truly I know this is not as easy as it sounds.  There have been days when I’ve wallowed in the muck of defeat, having allowed someone to step on my dreams.  But I’ve also had days when I was crystal clear on how someone was attempting to enroll me in game of victim and I decided enough was enough and I preferred to see it as their problem, not mine.  You are wondrous and deserving of all good in life!  Keep that in mind and absolutely REFUSE to step into that one-down victim position!

About the Author:

Dr. Bonnie Nussbaum
Dr. Bonnie Nussbaum is a holistic coach and clinical psychologist who believes people are capable of far more than they think they are.

5 Comments

  1. Tina Games February 5, 2015 at 3:45 am - Reply

    Bonnie – You had me at “hello!” ~ The image you’ve used for this blog post is captivating – and so perfect for the content you’re sharing. ~ This post is so right on! It reminds me of the great quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ We have much more power than we think we do! 🙂

  2. Teena February 6, 2015 at 9:46 pm - Reply

    Bonnie – Great image of what it looks and feel like to fall into victim-hood. I love any chance to create a fresh perspective on opportunities. As you said so beautifully – “You generate opportunities for your light to shine more brightly and to share positivity with more people.” Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙂

  3. Patricia Young February 6, 2015 at 9:48 pm - Reply

    Great blog post Bonnie!! so true! I love how you say “When you choose to hand that history of victimhood over to Spirit, think about what that can open up for you!” that is so powerful! It’s basically a conscious choice! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. Kailean Welsh February 7, 2015 at 7:49 am - Reply

    It is so true that when we fall into victim-stance, we take everything so personally and self-critically. So the reframe is very important to be able to step back and see with a different perspective. I am taking off that heavy mantle and opening up the space for something way better!

  5. Christine February 9, 2015 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    I love the suggesttion to use any previous negative experiences as opportunities to gain wisdom or a gift. The way we frame our thoughts about something and the questions we ask will always prompt the kind of answers we get. So best to ask better questions. 🙂

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