Celebrate Small Victories!
Ever notice how we’ve become enamored with the “leaps and bounds” philosophy of change and growth? We talk about “overnight sensations” while dismissing the YEARS of effort that person put in for accomplishing whatever they’re being lauded. Somehow the powerful value of little steps forward has been lost.
When I talk to clients about taking baby steps toward a goal they’ve chosen, I often get pushback on that being a waste of time and a desire for major change RIGHT NOW! By and large, that is simply not how change, at least lasting change, occurs. It takes many small steps, strung together, to make lasting changes. It takes commitment and focus and fortitude…all things that are pretty compromised by how we live our lives these days, attached to screens, observing others seemingly conquering insurmountable odds with the flick of a wrist, zapping our brains with the dopamine hits of social media rather than the steeping of our brains in quiet stillness and contemplation, even boredom, that fosters creativity and growth.
What are some ways to address this unfortunate penchant for instant results and why even go there? First off, people do still want to accomplish things, albeit fast and superficially, rather than with great depth. Regardless, when someone looks at their life, they often lament not having accomplished many of the things they wanted to accomplish. That’s a point where I, as their coach, can offer them a path, a way to success with a particular goal. I do explain that the process may seem uninspired and slow, but if they’re willing to commit to the process, in a short time (3 months, 6 months, a year), they can be enjoying significant progress.
We then talk about their “why”. Why do they want to accomplish this goal in the first place? We explore this because, if their “why” is too small, too unfocused, too superficial, they will not have the staying power they’re going to need to get over the seeming obstacles that crop up on the path to any success. I often tell clients, “When your why is big enough, the Universe takes care of the hows”. What I mean by that is, if they waste time trying to figure out the hows on the front end, they’ll bog down their whole process and never get off the ground. If, on the other hand, they focus on their why, making it big and bold and audacious, and pay attention to the steps as they unfold in front of the path, that person will be taking those baby steps forward.
A while back, in the context of community organizing, I heard the term, “Relentless Incrementalism” and was instantly fascinated by that concept, given how well it fits in with what I’m talking about here. As community organizers take steps to challenge and change that which is inequitable, especially on the government level, they do need to focus on incremental changes and celebrate each small victory on their way to changing laws that harm people. I think we can borrow that term, relentless incrementalism, and apply it to the changes we want to make in our lives.
So what might be some ways to encourage this? I start my coaching sessions by asking my coachee for a recitation of what’s been going well in their life. By creating this list of what’s going well, not only does it put them into a better state for our coaching session, but it also demonstrates to them that they have made small changes and moved the needle forward on their path to success. Again, since most of us write off our baby steps, taking the time to articulate and celebrate them is vital.
As for the celebration, you can do this however you choose, but I’ve come up with a short phrase that is designed to acknowledge my own incremental steps toward change, and that is “Yay, me!” Family and friends kind of chuckle when I do this, but I wholeheartedly believe the habit-practice of doing this has set me up to take many more steps forward than I otherwise might have. I invite you to try it and let me know what you notice. What would YOU like to accomplish?