The “Certainty” of Negativity
I’ve been pondering an interesting phenomenon for a while now. Following a webinar where the power of perceived certainty was discussed, I noticed that many people do, indeed, default to choices that have the illusion of certainty to them. In fact, Tony Robbins says that certainty is one of the main drivers for a lot of people. We want to know for sure and, if something is unknown (which most things actually are), we tend to make up stories about it to foster that illusion of certainty within ourselves. And, we are steeped in so much of this unconscious activity on a daily basis, we’re largely unaware that we’re even doing it!
Examples abound, but I’ll offer a few here so you can get a sense of what I’m talking about. It can be as simple as I’m late arriving at a friend’s house and she says to herself, “I’m sure Bonnie just stopped for gas”. That may be a totally inaccurate perception, but it affords my friend that illusion of certainty and she gets on with her day until I arrive. Or I walk past someone in the hall and say hi and they do not respond. Here’s where the certainty illusion can be costly for us. I can say, “Wow, Jack didn’t even say hi to me…what a jerk!” and I feel angry. I can say, “Wow, Jack didn’t even say hi to me…I wonder if something is wrong!” and I feel worried. I can say, “Wow, Jack didn’t even say hi to me…he must be very busy!” and I go about my day. The important thing is we get to choose what story we tell ourselves about an event like that; the problematic thing is we tend to choose the negative story.
Why is that? Because of how our brains are wired and the historical survival value of assuming the negative, we tend to default more easily to the negative interpretation and have to be conscious enough of our thoughts to choose a positive interpretation. Let me share another instance where I see this happening and causing us all manner of issues. Dualistic thinking, either-or, is another trap we humans find ourselves in repeatedly. To feed our “need” for certainty, we like to look at things in terms of either-or, only two options, often opposites, are allowed in this way of thinking. Why? Because it makes it much easier to feel certain about that choice we make between two diametrically opposed options. When we move beyond black-and-white thinking, we not only have to allow for shades of grey, but also colors! And plaid! And paisley! Talk about frying out our certainty circuits!
So what do we do about this? Some people will consciously choose to stay in the perceived certainty of negative storytelling and dualistic thinking because, even though it’s faulty at best and damaging at worst, they still are heavily drawn to that illusion of certainty. Others, myself included, are willing to navigate the fears provoked by being uncertain in order to gain the expansiveness, creativity, and innovation of positive thought, “we can” vs “we can’t”, and allowing for what is right here, right now in order to influence what comes next, even though it’s uncertain. What do YOU choose?