Crossing The Terror Barrier From Comfort Zone to Ideal Life
I first heard about what is currently being called the Terror Barrier years ago in the book, The Energy of Money, by Maria Nemeth. She used the term “Monkey Mind” to describe “that aspect of the mind that’s chattering at us, as it swings from doubt to worry and back again. Monkey Mind was a concept borrowed from Buddhist teachings. It warns us away from real danger, as well as what could be dangerous in the future. The trouble is, our Monkey Mind has no sense of proportion: everything is a big deal. So, at times, we have trouble assessing whether or not we should be afraid.” In the book, Dr. Nemeth talked about Monkey Mind sitting at the border between old ways of being and new, healthier ways of being. The closer to the border we get, the louder Monkey Mind yells about the perceived risks of crossing over to the healthier side.
Many of us assume that, because Monkey Mind is getting louder, yelling doubts, fears, worst-case scenarios at us, we must be headed in the wrong direction. Thus, we turn back, into our old ways of being, just on the cusp of making a positive, healthy change. The exact opposite is true, of course. We are heading EXACTLY where we need to be going…forward, across the border, into healthier ways of being.
Shelley Riutta, LMFT, founder of the Global Association for Holistic Psychotherapists, calls this border The Terror Barrier. This is the space that lies between our Comfort Zone and our Ideal Life. She points out that the louder that voice of doubt gets, the closer you are to taking a step you need to take. So, rather than letting the loud voice of doubt and fear deter you, forge ahead confidently, knowing that you are on the right path. In fact, get excited about the noise you’re hearing because the messier the process, the bigger the outcome. Riutta shared about a recent business trip where many things went wrong. She celebrated these difficulties as signs that big change was afoot.
Another example of how Monkey Mind can keep us stuck comes from a friend of mine. She was carrying around an extra 15 lbs on her body, but felt no desire to exercise. This was highly unusual for her as she’s a very fit, active person. When doing her inner work about this, she became aware that she was harboring fears about doing a video for her new website. Monkey Mind’s belief was that she couldn’t make the video until she lost the 15 lbs…thus, no exercise meant no weight loss meant she never had the make the video! She made the decision to make the video at her current weight and is confident the weight will take care of itself when Monkey Mind realizes it no longer prevents her from getting the video done and posted.
So what maneuvers is your Monkey Mind pulling on you right now in an attempt to keep you “safe” and stuck? How can you kindly and firmly address Monkey Mind’s fears, yet move forward with what you need and want to do? Who are the supportive people in your life who can cheer you on as you cross your own Terror Barriers? And get excited about the uproar! Big changes are afoot!!