Lessons Learned From Impatience

I’ve always been a “cram that square peg in the round hole” kinda gal.  Patience was never my strong suit.  In fact, at one point, I considered getting a dog and naming her Patience so I’d have some.

Over the years, it has become abundantly clear that biding my time and waiting for Divine Timing is a really good way to go.  How did I learn this?  By not being patient and having things not go well!  I’ve jumped the gun on buying things only to have them go on sale shortly thereafter.  I’ve signed up for things, even though I wasn’t sure about them, then had better options come along when I was already committed to the thing about which I had been unsure.  I’ve pushed my way through projects, papers, tasks, etc. which would have flowed much more effortlessly and turned out so much better if I had allowed for “perk time”.

So how can we know if we are forging ahead hastily or proceeding appropriately?  The secret is in your feelings!  Shelley Riutta, founder of the Global Association for Holistic Psychotherapy, created a brilliant form for assessing whether you are coming from your Conditioned Self (the fear-based part of yourself) or your Authentic Self (the joy-based part of yourself).  I’ve taken some of her points and listed them below to help you assess whether you are moving on a choice based on your impatient, Conditioned Self or your wise Authentic Self:

                                              Conditioned Self                                    Authentic Self

Feelings of fear, impatience, frustration                  Feelings of excitement, happy, calm, centered

Worrying about what others will think of decision          Focusing on what you think about it and how you feel

Taking hasty, driven action                            Taking positive, consistent, thoughtful action

Contractive, pinched, negative thinking                   Expansive, positive thinking

Focused on avoiding loss or pain                         Focused on approaching a positive outcome

Feeling heavy, anxious, weighted down                   Feeling light, free

Feeling like a Victim, life keeps happening to you       Feeling empowered, co-creating with the Divine

Tension and unease in your body                        Body feels relaxed and open

Shallow or constricted breathing                         Expansive, full breathing

So, what to do about making a decision when you’re feeling stuck in your Conditioned Self?  There are a lot of ways to move yourself into Authenticity before making a decision.  You can set a period of time you will wait prior to deciding, during which you do something relaxing such as taking a walk, taking a bath, listening to music.  You can focus on breathing deeply from your belly for a period of time before deciding (I’d recommend 30 minutes of deep belly breathing, noting when your breath shuts down because that’s a significant part to breathe through).  Journaling about your feelings about the pending decision to help you concretely see on paper what part of you is directing your process.

Practice noting which part of your body you feel like you are operating from when making decisions from your Conditioned Self versus your Authentic Self.  For me, when there’s a tight, pressured feeling in my solar plexus, I know I’m coming from my Conditioned Self.  When there’s a light, free feeling, the decision is being made by my Authentic Self.

Try a few of these ideas and see what you get.  I’d love to hear your results!!