What’s in my way of healthy changes?

Struggling to make and keep desired changes in your life?  Don’t think you’re the Lone Ranger on that one!  A frequent complaint I hear from new clients is how frustrated they are that they KNOW what to do to improve their lives, but they cannot get themselves to do it or stick with it.  Not to worry, Little Buckaroo!  Help is on the way…

Let’s start by using an outline created by Rob Williams, the founder of PSYCH-K, an energy-based method for change I use with clients.  Rob derived this outline from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).  The basic gist of the process is articulating your desired goal as specifically as possible (not “I wanna lose weight”, but “I am my ideal weight of 135 lbs”).  Then describe as richly as possible how it will look, sound, and feel when this goal is already accomplished.  Not your job to figure out HOW it will be accomplished; just assume you’ve already accomplished it and wax poetic about the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic signs that it has, indeed, been accomplished.

For example, for visuals,  “when I am my ideal weight of 135 lbs., I wear my shirts tucked in…especially that pretty blue one I just saw at Kohl’s!”,  “I make more eye contact with those I meet”, “I smile when I’m out in public”, “I see my house tidy and especially the kitchen cleaned up and dishes in the cupboard”, “I see myself holding hands with my new partner as we walk downtown”.  These are things that can literally be seen or of which you could take a photograph.

For auditory, some examples would be, “I’d hear much more laughter from myself and others”, “My mother would compliment my pretty, blue shirt”, “I’d hear myself on the phone calling friends to go do things with me”, “I’d hear birds calling because I’d be out in nature more”.

With regard to kinesthetic, answer the question, “When your goal is accomplished, how do you anticipate feeling?”  You’re wanting to create a list of emotions that will result from this goal being achieved.  Examples could be excited, happy, joyful, calm, relaxed, or motivated.   Once you have your list, ask yourself, “Which one of these feelings chimes the most for me?  Which one is most how I want to feel?”  Circle that one, then close your eyes and tune into what that feeling is like.  You can recall a time when you felt it in the past or just imagine how you think it will feel.  The deeper you can put yourself into that feeling state, the better.

Then focus on answering the following questions while still maintaining that state:  where in my body do I feel that feeling most intensely?  If that feeling had a color, what color would it be?  If that feeling had a shape, what shape would it be?  If that feeling had a temperature, what would it be?  If I reached out and touched that feeling, what would be the texture of it?

Now for the MOST important part of the process and the answer to why many of us get stuck in achieving these desired goals!  Any time we make a change, there are both pros and cons to those changes.  We want to examine the potential cons to see if they are sufficient to interfere with accomplishing our goal.  If so, we have more work to do!

So how do we tap this information?  Answer the following question:  “What are any potential downsides, unwanted consequences, possible negative outcomes that could result from actually accomplishing this change?”  Be as thorough as possible with this part.  Put down everything that comes to mind, even if it doesn’t make sense.  Really dig deep here!  So, with our example of achieving ideal weight, perhaps our fictional client answers as follows:  “I’d have to buy a whole new wardrobe”, “My family would be jealous and sabotage my efforts”, “My spouse will accuse me of having someone on the side”, “What if someone hits on me??!”  Just keep going until all the fears, unpleasant possibilities, and “what if” responses are committed to the page.

The last question to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to risk these possibilities in order to accomplish my goal?”  If yes, you are likely good to go!  If no, this is the kind of process that you could benefit from the help of a good, holistic coach or therapist.  Again, the main issue here is not what’s going on in your conscious mind, but what’s rumbling around on the subconscious level.  This process works very well to bring those subconscious thoughts, fears, and worries to the surface and energy-based methods for healing work well to make the necessary changes so you can easily and quickly accomplish what you desire.  Happy changing!!